So you hit the gym seven days a week. You’ve got pecs that could crush walnuts. You can walk a straight line after a fifth of gin, and you’ve got three scars on your back from where you rushed into a burning firework stand to save a kitten.
Big deal. Chances are, women still think you’re a wuss.
Confidence takes more than just biceps curls
No, I’m not saying this because I’m jealous. I’m saying it because, if you’re like most men, you buy women drinks, give them little gifts, pay their way every time you go out, and just generally put them on a pedestal and worship them. This is called supplication, Beefsteak. And contrary to what Grandpa may have taught you about dating etiquette, it makes you look like a chump.
Get up off your knees…unless, y’know, you’re into that
Supplication is any action you take that puts her desires ahead of yours, or puts you in an inferior social position to her, and it blows all the effort you’ve put into building confidence to shreds. It can take a variety of forms; aside from the examples listed above, notorious supplicating moves include giving the appearance of actively pursuing a woman, putting her in a situation where she makes most of the decisions (i.e. asking where she wants to go for dinner, when she wants to go out, etc.), acting “clingy”, or admitting that you have “feelings” for her, especially if she hasn’t already done so first.
The problem with this type of behavior is that it gives the woman control; it either puts her in a leadership role in the relationship, or makes you appear vulnerable. Either way, you come out looking like a major wuss. No woman likes to be with a wuss. And once she realizes you’re a wuss, you get canned–and all the work you’ve put into building confidence goes right out the window.
You’ve probably realized by this point in the course that building confidence is extremely important to your dating success. There’s plenty of advice in our Members’ Section to help you with that. But don’t forget, you don’t stop needing confidence as soon as you learn each others’ names. Confidence with women has to be maintained throughout the entire relationship; in fact, it gets even more important after you progress beyond the introductory stage, when the things that can chip away your confidence become subtler in nature and harder to detect. And really, this is what supplication is all about: lack of confidence.
When you have no confidence with women, you try to compensate by providing gifts and handing decisions over to them in a misguided attempt to display your self-worth. But women see through this. It’s true that women in general are better at reading people than men are, and they will know if you lack confidence, even if you don’t. And that, my friends, is the true definition of a wuss: a man lacking confidence. Just as women are initially attracted to confident men, they want to stay with confident men–men who take charge, men who are leaders, who make the decisions and don’t back down. In short, men who wear the pants. So don’t fall into the wuss trap; continue to build your confidence, before, during, and after the pick up. And if you find yourself supplicating, stop and remind yourself who’s boss, or risk getting stomped on like any other wuss.
Want more great advice on building confidence? You’ll find the info you need to polish every aspect of your game, from self-esteem, to wardrobe, to conversation skills and beyond with these amazing expert tips. So why waste time? Chicks aren’t.
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About John Lione
