Before, I talked about the importance of self-awareness. This time, we’ll be looking at the other side of the spectrum. Think of this as another exercise in training your own self-awareness.
Inflating and deflating the ego
You may have heard of this term before in various contexts:
“He has a big ego”
“He’s such an egotistical maniac”
Etc…
First, let’s find some kind of definition for us to grasp. When we refer to the ego we are generally pertaining to another form of self, the part that can be influenced strongly by your emotions. It is a part synonymous with pride and glory. The ego gives one great pleasure, likened to being a grand master looking down on all the bugs below. The ego can also be attacked, maimed, wounded.
The ego also involves having a degree of self-importance. We place a value on ourselves, and the larger that value becomes, the bigger the ego, the greater the possible consequences become. As the saying goes, the bigger they are, the higher they fall.
Your ego is not as big as you think
So, as an example, let us look at the ego from the context of approach anxiety (getting too nervous to approach and make conversation with women; remember that feeling?). You’re awesome. You are the hottest thing in the club. You set your eyes on the prize.
Hah! I can take that on any time, I don’t even have to do anything. Time passes… Yea, I can approach any time, let me have another round of drinks… Your buddies start pestering you: “Go on, man, pick her up!” Maybe not tonight, guys…
Looks familiar, doesn’t it?
Firstly, what the ego does is give you the illusion that you are larger and more important than you really are. You continue to use this delusion as an excuse that you “don’t have to approach.” As time passes, the pressure builds, and by the time you are getting into your mind that you “should” approach, your ego gets in the way… because you are afraid of rejection. You are afraid of your ego becoming hurt. The end result is that you go home lonely. Again.
Lose that ego!
First thing you can take away from this analysis: For an approach to be successful, you must be completely ego-less. (In this context, we also refer to this as outcome independence, which we will cover in another article.)
There is another context I want to cover with the ego, and that is insults and confrontations. Imagine you have a girl and she starts getting a bit miffed at you, insulting your person, your life, your penis-size, whatever.
Let me start first by saying you should NOT take that kind of shit from ANYBODY. Notice how strongly I worded that last sentence, that it’s almost angry. However, anger isn’t what I’m trying to pass along to you.
Getting angry is the ego’s response to attack. She is attacking your person, your ego. If, however, you have no ego to attack, you cannot become angry, which is a huge DLV (demonstration of lower value) anyhow. BUT (here’s the important part) this does not mean you should let her walk all over you.
Let me start a new line to repeat that: being ego-less does NOT mean letting people walk all over you.
In the face of such verbal assaults, being ego-less allows you to react calmly and rationally. Understand that anger will not get you far, stay cool, keep control over the situation. Then YOU can control the interaction, and take your girl back home and have make up sex.
Peace,
-XaC
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About XaC
