We already know that pick up lines don’t work. Now let’s take a closer look at why that is, and what the right way to open a conversation is.
Steer clear of corny jokes
Canned pick up lines aren’t genuine. They make you sound fake, unimaginative, and boring. What’s worse is they don’t really provide any opportunity for you and a woman to talk to each other; there’s no way for them to lead naturally into a conversation. So what can you use instead of pick up lines?
How about what I call conversation openers? Conversation openers differ from pick up lines in that they provide a topic of conversation, and thereby make it easier to keep talking to one another. In other words, when you use a conversation opener, you’re suggesting something to talk about. This is much more constructive than some cheesy one-liner you read on the internet.
Get her talking–keep her around
A good conversation opener should be simple and genuine-sounding. It doesn’t have to be completely brilliant and one-of-a-kind, just as long as it sounds like you really mean it. In addition, conversation openers should usually take the form of open-ended questions, i.e. questions that can’t be answered with a simple “yes” or “no”. This essentially forces the girl to talk more–and isn’t talking what conversation’s all about?
Try a simple question like “How’s your day/night going?” As a conversation opener, this is perfect. It’s an average, commonplace question that isn’t remotely threatening. It’s open-ended. It sounds very genuine; after all, who’s going to ask a question like that unless they really want to know?
And best of all, it can keep a woman talking for hours. Nod your head with me if you know women at all.
The problem with pick-up lines
The conversation opener approach is much more effective than a pick up line. The pick up line actually inhibits the development of a conversation; not only does it not foster the development of a conversation, it makes you look lame, which is going to dissuade the girl from putting any effort into trying to start one up herself. Stick with a simple, heartfelt “How’s your night going?” and you can’t go wrong.
Managing casual conversation
So now that you’ve got her talking, what next? The important thing to remember is not to hog the conversation. We all know how much girls like to talk, right? Let them. Rambling on about yourself will only make you look vain and self-absorbed–both of which are huge turn-offs. Conversely, letting the woman talk most of the time will make you seem like a good listener–that elusive male at the top of every woman’s Most-Wanted List, the one who cares (or at least, seems to care) about what she has to say.
One helpful tip is not to go into an approach thinking that you’re going to talk to a woman–instead, think that you’re going to build attraction with a woman. The difference is that talking is a single technique, one that, through overuse, can actually drive women away. Building attraction involves all your skills as a PUA–including talking, but also knowing when to talk and what to say, as well as when to shut up and listen. Opening a conversation with this in mind will help you keep the right perspective.
As a general rule, you should only be speaking 30-40% of the time when first picking up a woman, and she should be speaking 60-70% of the time. What the two of you talk about matters less than this proportion, and will in fact vary considerably from pick up attempt to pick up attempt. You’ll need to be able to ad lib, as different women will naturally incline toward different conversation topics, but never forget to let them do most of the talking–and while they’re talking, look them in the eyes and genuinely pay attention. Women love this. And when it does come your turn to speak, stick to more open-ended questions; these not only keep her talking, but show that you’ve been hanging on her every word, and make her feel oh-so-appreciated. With practice, you should be able to hold a conversation for at least an hour, without using anything but open-ended questions and a liberal sprinkling of cocky comedy on your end. Not that you should be rigid; if the situation calls for it, by all means feel free to throw in a personal anecdote or two, but generally, always be steering the conversation back in her direction.
In sum, a good conversation opener is simple, genuine, and open-ended. Remember that your goal is to build attraction, so let the woman do most of the talking; when you do talk, your primary purpose is to keep her talking. Master these tips, and you’ll be moving in for the close in no time.
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About John Lione
